Category Archives: Outdoor Fun

Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson located at last

We had been worried that Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson had been missing from our games for months. At last the truth of his whereabouts is known: he has been in jail.

Ron’s girlfriend Latoya stopped by the other day with the news. Ron has been in jail awaiting trial. His crime: public urination!

I found this knowledge disturbing, not just out of concern for Ron but for the fact that I too, from time to time, have been guilty of of this same crime, but almost always in one corner of the horseshoe pits and even then I only did it once or twice. OK, maybe more than two times. But exactly how many times, I won’t tell.

But public urination was not the only crime the Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson was accused of. In fact public urination by itself is usually not a jailable offense anymore, since it has been recently downgraded from being a misdemeanor to being only a violaton in NYC.

But, Ron’s real crime was not just public urination, but in resisting arrest. You see, when the cops approached him as he was still peeing andhe started speaking to them in his native Norwegian. And when the cops asked him to stop what he was doing, he got angry and started cursing them, saying.

” Jeg skal tisse hvor jeg vil forverre det!”

Which loosely translated means, ” I’ll pee wherever the heck I want to, damn it!”

But this is not what the policemen heard. What they heard instead was a language that they had not heard before and did not understand. And not being familiar with Norwegian they hypothesized that he was either speaking in a Arabic or perhaps a Slavic language. And for a moment, they even suspected him of being a terrorist. And it was this misunderstanding which prompted them to try to arrest Ron. But Ron would have none of it. When they started to arrest him he responded with

“Kom deg bort fra meg, dårer!”

Which loosely translated means, ” Get the fuck away from me, fools!”

And this resulted in the resisting arrest charges which is why Ron is still being held in jail. It’s an interesting point that more arrests for the charge of resisting arrest are leveled against people with darker skin than against people with lighter skin. And many jail sentences begin with a misdemeanor which is then elevated to a jailable offense by the resisting arrest charges.

We hope that Ron will be OK.

And in wishing him well  we have to say:

“Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson, kom tilbake, vi savner deg. Det er så mye du har igjen for å lære oss!”

Which loosely translated means, “Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson please come back, we miss you. There is so much you have left to teach us!.”

––Dean Heagle: President,  Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League

Raspberry Season

Even if you don’t like horseshoes, it’s worth stopping by the pits for the raspberries which are rather abundant at least by city standards. They are a bit tart, but if you pick a bunch they can be an interesting addition to making a wicked lemonade.

Don’t let the captions of these pictures fool you, there are more than 4 locations. Actual experience and milage may vary depending on the day.

Raspberries location 1

Raspberries location 2

Raspberries location 3

Raspberries location 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

––Dean Heagle: President,  Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League

Yet more ways to become more manly

Increase your manliness

I just got a book about testosterone loss in men after age 50. It says right there that weeding a garden or just plain weeding is a sure way to make some gains in the testosterone department, (actually I am making this up and none of this is true). However, it is true that intensive weeding can really get your heart pumping and it’s possible that it will help you to produce magnificent muscles, helping to create taunt men all over the world. And while I have not been at it long enough to personally show any of these gains, I can personally attest to the fact that the practice does wonders for one’s focus, if not one’s overall perspective on life.

Weeding at the pits has been rather constant but not overly time consuming. A few weeks ago, there was a certain omnipresent weed which was about to go to seed. And most of them were cut down in their prime before they could do so.

This weed was omnipresent, cut down in its prime, before it could go to seed.

The vines are almost impossible to get rid of and these vine runners average over 5 feet long. This is war!

Another constant battle is undertaken with the dominant vines. They are literally everywhere and have deep roots which seem to go on forever making them hard to control. Each strand stretches about 5 feet before it becomes a runner, burrows itself into the ground and extends the root system anew. These vines are hardy and tenacious and represent one of the most difficult aspects of clearing the pits. And this battle is far from over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A side benefit of weeding the vines is that the roots may perhaps (although still completely unknown) just might be of some medicinal value. They also might be poison, so it’s strongly suggested that you don’t try to consume them at home until the safety aspect can be verified. That aside, from their appearance, the roots bear a strong resemblance to ginseng root which has been used for centuries for it’s medicinal properties. They also strongly resemble mandrake which is often associated with the occult and is known to have hallucinogenic properties.

Highly valued on the black market?

How manly can you get?

If this won’t make a man outa ya, then nothing will!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is possible that the eating of these vine roots or drinking them as tea, may in fact cause an increase in your manhood. Or else this theory should be simply disregarded as a foolish rumor which you should not follow, because in addition to the possibility of these roots increasing your manhood, they may also cause you to hallucinate and die or even worse, just die without the hallucinations.

So proceed with caution. The exact species of this vine is not even currently known. It may be that even touching it may cause one to be delusional. It is possible that this is what’s happening as I write this post. At the very least, more information on this matter is highly desirable before actual benefits or side effects can be know.

 

––Dean Heagle: President,  Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League

Other ways to be a man

Increase your manliness

If you can’t muster carrying big bags of sand, there are many other ways to increase your manliness. I’ve discovered that an effective method is by planting flowers which inevitably necessitates some type of eco-terrorism.

These are not the actual Dahlias at the horseshoe pit but instead represent wishful thinking.

This year it was decided to plant Dahlias mostly because the bulbs were half price when I was arranging the purchase of sand at the home center in the Bronx. Going to the home center is also a good way to increase your manliness. And going to the home center in the Bronx, has been shown to be even more effective.

The cheap price of the Dahlia bulbs was the plus side, but the down side, that I only learned later, was that Dahlias are a bit fussy and will likely not get sufficient attention at the horseshoe pits. Also, they should have been planted 2 months earlier, hence I suppose, the half off sale. So, fingers crossed about the Dahlias.

At the home center, I was also able to acquire a 40lb. bag of potting soil and a really huge bag of wildflower seeds, enough to plant a large field. Last week, all of the above were planted, sown and/or scattered. The planting area was dug up, aerated and weeded. Even with the additional quality soil I brought in, the overall solid quality is quite poor. And I also imagine that no one will be showing up to water anything which is a problem since NYC summers can be very hot and not very wet. So let’s see what happens.

Eco-terrorism? Adding new soil and plants may be good, but inevitably the immediate existing ecosystem suffers.

I have done so much weeding in the horseshoe pits that I’m considering updating my resume to include a section on “eco-terrorism.” We still somewhat practice the “live and let live policy”, but really every week, just in the interests of keeping the playing field clear, we have been responsible for the death of dozens, if not hundreds of plants. And getting ready for planting has certainly wiped out whole eco-systems. And yet I don’t really feel that guilty about any of this. I am not killing or weeding without purpose. After all, I am a man. And every time I cut something down it’s just a re-affirmation of my manhood. So, you could argue that I just can’t help it. Or alternatively, that the Dahlias and wildflowers will be worth it and preferable to what was already there. Even if the former explanation tends to hold true, I still prefer the latter explanation.

 

––Dean Heagle: President,  Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League

Be a man, carry sand

Carry sand. It will make you a man.

Increase your manliness

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than carrying 50lb bags of sand down some steps, then down a hill, and then dumping them into horseshoe pits. NOTHING! Actually I can think of a few things that might be better, but still the feeling that you get from this is pretty sweet.

More sand is inevitable. You have not missed your chance.

 

Where have you gone Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson?

We are concerned about one of our recent members who we haven’t seen for a few weeks.

We met Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson when he showed up at our own second round of horseshoe play. And from the start, it was clear how much he loved to play horseshoes. But we haven’t seen him lately. And frankly we are a bit worried about him.

Ron is of mixed Dutch/German/Norwegian descent but most recently hails from Mississippi where horse shoes are king. He speaks in a southern drawl and it’s fun to hear him swear in all four languages. Ron has lived in the NYC area for over seven years and has had the same girl friend from the day he arrived.

Last week, LaToya, Ron’s girlfriend of many years showed up at the horseshoe pits wondering if we’d seen him. LaToya was born in Turks and Caicos but was raised in Denmark, so like Ron, she can also swear in several languages. She moved to New York on the day before Ron did. And on the very next day she met Ron and they’ve been together every since.

We’re concerned because last week LaToya showed up and said she hadn’t seen Ron for at least a couple of weeks. She has no idea what could have happened to him or where he could be. And that’s why we’re a bit worried.

So where are you, Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson? The horseshoe people miss you and LaToya sends her love.

 

––Dean Heagle: President,  Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League

What goes around comes around

One thing leads to another

Last fall, we cleared out the horseshoe pits. Shortly thereafter, someone with the park’s department cleared out a lot of the weeds from the adjoining area. It’s possible that the sequential occurrence of these two things was just a coincidence or it’s possible that someone at the park’s department noticed our large scale weeding effort and were inspired to undertake similar acts. Either way, the result is that the area adjoining the horseshoe pit is presently filled with blooming lilies. They were either planted last year or you just couldn’t see them because of the weeds.

The lilies represent a huge improvement over the abundant weeds that used to grow there.

The nature of this progress should speak for itself. What goes around comes around.

 

––Dean Heagle: President,  Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League

If you, S.S.S.S.

If you see something, say something. That sounds like such a great idea.

Many apologies to those who showed up to carry sand down the hill last Wednesday.

Does this seem suspicious to you? It seems odd to me.

Unfortunately, there was over an hour lag between when the sand was dropped off and when I arrived at closer to 7:15 rather than at 6:45 as I had intended. By the time I got there, the police were already there. And for awhile things got very confusing to say the least.

Here’s what happened. The sand was dropped off as scheduled. At that time an old man was sitting on a nearby park bench and thought the delivery of the four large bags of sand seemed suspicious. “Might have been material to make a bomb”, he had thought. So being patriotic and a little bit paranoid and all, he called 911 to report it, just in case.

By the time I arrived, there were 4 policemen gathered around and one of them was poking his nightstick into one of the sand bags. At this point, being a bit naive and previously having only had one or two bad experiences with policemen, I spoke up and said, “Hey, that’s my sand!”  Of course, I immediatly became the focus of attention. “So this is your sand? ” said one of the cops. “How about you prove it,” he said. So, I fumbled in my George Costanza-like wallet and soon produced the receipt.

“Well we think this looks pretty suspicious,” said another one of the cops. So I explained that the sand was for the horseshoe pits, that were just down the hill. “Curiouser and curiouser,” said the third officer. “You expect us to believe that there is a horseshoe pit in the park?” “You expect us to believe that people who live in NYC, actually play horseshoes?” he said. “Isn’t horseshoes something that people play in the rural areas, not sophisticated types like us who live in the big city?”

Despite’s this skepticism,  I stood my ground and explained, that while horseshoe mania had not yet taken off, that in fact, once in awhile, people did show up to play. And I also expressed my deep conviction that city dwellers could someday embrace the sport. And that someday it would be possible for there to be multiple horseshoe leagues in New York and other cities, who might, after sufficient practice garner enough skill to compete against the country folk, sort of what already happens in politics with the city vs. the rural areas.

I continued to argue and the officers continued to be skeptical about every one of my premises. At one point, I thought I had gotten very close to being arrested. But then another officer, who had not previously spoke came forward and said, “So what if we believe you about the horseshoes and all. Is there someone in the park’s department we can contact to verify that you are telling the truth?” I told him that I didn’t have such a contact with park’s department. On the contrary, in fact, the entire horseshoe project had been undertaken by myself and occasionally others, completely without the help or presumably the knowledge of the park’s department. “I was worried,” I said, “that their might be some sort of regulation against throwing heavy metal objects in the park, perhaps for liability reasons this was forbidden. So I hadn’t notified the park’s department for fear that they would shut it down.”

“So you were worried about government intervention in your private activities?”, asked the officer. And I admitted that indeed, this was a concern of mine. At which point, all of the officers lit up and smiled as if now we were all good friends. They explained that even though they were the representatives of law enforcement on the street level, that they all had significant reservations about governmental control particularly in the spheres of economics and personal liberties. They went on to say that they were all members of the Ayn Rand fan club and really believed that the solution to the world’s problems could be found in the application of unfettered capitalism. They also admitted that they were huge Trump fans. But on this last point I managed to stay silent.

“We like your style guy.” “Sort of like, you are sticking it to the man by going behind the backs of the park’s department to start your horseshoe thing.” said one of the officers. I said, “Well I guess, it is sort of like that.” Then everyone smiled. They patted me on the back. It was over. They even let me keep the sand.

Only later did I learn from someone who videotaped the whole thing, that before the police showed up that a few people had gathered around the sand, just looking at it but seeming uncertain of what to do next. But they were soon scared off by the arrival of the police.  And now I’ve figured out that the people who gathered around the sand initially, must have been a few of you who showed up on time to help carry the sand down the hill.

Thanks for your good intentions. Sorry, I showed up late and very sorry for all of the confusion.

This week is round 7 and it’s on Thursday

Just when you thought you could count on something… Due to unavoidable circumstances, tomorrow (Wednesday) our building is having their annual board meeting and I have been hired to videotape it for reality TV. Hence I cannot show up at the pits to provide the much needed horseshoes on Wednesday.

Accordingly, horseshoes this week has been rescheduled to Thursday.

So, this week, it’s Thursday, but the rest of June it’s on for Wednesdays.

HORSESHOES ROUND 7
Thursday JUNE 15TH
7:00ish PM

LOCATON:
Ft. Tryon Park, just North of the volleyball courts as you go down (not up) the steps from the higher elevation A train station at 190th St.

Wednesdays in June

It’s true… It’s really happening! Horseshoes in Ft. Tryon are now on Wednesdays in June.

aerial view of our deluxe playing field (flowers not shown, since they haven’t grown yet)

Show up about 7:00ish at the horseshow pits in Ft. Tryon Park near the A train station at 190th St.

It might rain, but Hey, this is a Rain or Shine event.

BE THERE OR BE (SOME OTHER SHAPE THAN HORSESHOE SHAPED)