We had been worried that Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson had been missing from our games for months. At last the truth of his whereabouts is known: he has been in jail.
Ron’s girlfriend Latoya stopped by the other day with the news. Ron has been in jail awaiting trial. His crime: public urination!
I found this knowledge disturbing, not just out of concern for Ron but for the fact that I too, from time to time, have been guilty of of this same crime, but almost always in one corner of the horseshoe pits and even then I only did it once or twice. OK, maybe more than two times. But exactly how many times, I won’t tell.
But public urination was not the only crime the Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson was accused of. In fact public urination by itself is usually not a jailable offense anymore, since it has been recently downgraded from being a misdemeanor to being only a violaton in NYC.
But, Ron’s real crime was not just public urination, but in resisting arrest. You see, when the cops approached him as he was still peeing andhe started speaking to them in his native Norwegian. And when the cops asked him to stop what he was doing, he got angry and started cursing them, saying.
” Jeg skal tisse hvor jeg vil forverre det!”
Which loosely translated means, ” I’ll pee wherever the heck I want to, damn it!”
But this is not what the policemen heard. What they heard instead was a language that they had not heard before and did not understand. And not being familiar with Norwegian they hypothesized that he was either speaking in a Arabic or perhaps a Slavic language. And for a moment, they even suspected him of being a terrorist. And it was this misunderstanding which prompted them to try to arrest Ron. But Ron would have none of it. When they started to arrest him he responded with
“Kom deg bort fra meg, dårer!”
Which loosely translated means, ” Get the fuck away from me, fools!”
And this resulted in the resisting arrest charges which is why Ron is still being held in jail. It’s an interesting point that more arrests for the charge of resisting arrest are leveled against people with darker skin than against people with lighter skin. And many jail sentences begin with a misdemeanor which is then elevated to a jailable offense by the resisting arrest charges.
We hope that Ron will be OK.
And in wishing him well we have to say:
“Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson, kom tilbake, vi savner deg. Det er så mye du har igjen for å lære oss!”
Which loosely translated means, “Ron Gustav Müller Jacobson please come back, we miss you. There is so much you have left to teach us!.”
––Dean Heagle: President, Margaret Corbin Provisional Horseshoe Pitching League